Bio: It was Sammy McNally what did it He was never done swinging the lead and one sunny day as he swung it he hit me a blow on the head. ‘Get up’, says he trying to lift me I missed every word that he said ‘Are ye deaf?’ said he, trying to shift me but I wasn’t deaf … I was dead! Of course I went straight up to heaven, tt’s three million miles past the sun I arrived at a quarter to seven in the year three thousand and one. I spied this big lad in the hallway Says I, ‘I’m just in from Belfast!’ ‘’S’that so?’ says he, ‘I’m from Galway So they let an oul Prod in at last.’ I said I was happy to meet him And I asked him what I should do ‘Come with me’, says he, ‘and I’ll show you We have a special department for you.’ I followed him down a long passage To a place where yer man wouldn’t tell But, by god, I soon got the message When I saw a signpost to Hell. Says I, ‘For God’s sake have pity’ Says he, ‘Blame yer sins of the past’ As he led me right into a city A place the dead spit of… BELFAST! ‘Is that Hell,’ said I, quite astounded ‘It is so, indeed!’ said yer lad ‘Well, if that’s Hell,’ says I, looking round it ‘If that’s Hell, it can’t be that bad!’ The city was just as I’d known it All the old friendly places were there Street by street I went through it To the centre at Donegall Square. And there, God love it, before me The grand City Hall stood in state With a tricolour flying above it And two Civic Guards at the gate. It was only the start of my torment I soon was to learn all the facts The Pope was settled in Stormont And Paisley was cleaning ‘the jacks’! The head of the great Orange Order Had long ago given himself up Adams had abolished the border ..And Rangers was OUT OF THE CUP! To the Shipyards I hurried like lightening I knew I’d find Orangemen there But what I found was real frightening All talking Gaelic, they were! The whole bloody city was stinking There was nowhere a Proddie could go What desperate thoughts I was thinking Then it came in a Flash!! … Sandy Row! I knew they’d be loyal to Lizzie And I wouldn’t be left in the lurch But when I arrived all were busy Building a Catholic Church! I went back to the fella that brought me He was having a snooze at the gate I tried to get by, but he caught me ‘You can’t get away from your fate!’ Says I, ‘I don’t like where you sent me If I’d known, I’d never have come.’ Says he, and him standing fornenst me ‘In here shure we all are the same. In here, every freedom is given To wander about at your will It’s just that some think it’s heaven While others think that it’s Hell.’ While on Earth I hated the Shinners But if I was a mortal again I’d be nice to the Fenians and Sinners And I’d write to the Pope now and then. Each man on this Earth is your brother So don’t write those things on the wall If only we’d love one another We might find there’s no Hell at all!